


A Fic About Nothing

by An_Artificial_Aspidistra



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, M/M, seinfeldian breakups
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 19:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7003483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_Artificial_Aspidistra/pseuds/An_Artificial_Aspidistra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur is a bad breaker-upper. Until he isn't.<br/></p>
<hr/>
<p>"He had man hands."</p>
<p>Cobb squinted closely at Arthur. "But Carson IS a..."</p>
<p>"Doesn't matter."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fic About Nothing

Arthur was a difficult man to date. Not a difficult man to fall in love with, but a difficult man to keep. At least this was Eames' conclusion after numerous jobs spent eavesdropping as Arthur discussed his relationships. 

Or, to provide the necessary Arthurian specificity, PAST relationships. They never seemed to last long. Well, Eames reasoned, it only made sense. Arthur was a man of refined tastes and exacting specifications. So at first it didn't seem unusual when he'd overhear Arthur telling one of the team why the latest boyfriend no longer texted him when they were away or stopped by their more legal jobs with lunch. 

* * *

"What happened to Chad? Didn't he just get you that new watch last week?"

"Well, besides the fact that he was named Chad, he had that terrible laugh. Didn't you notice?"

"Oh yeah. He sounded like a donkey who's just seen a farmer coming with some nice fresh carrots," Ariadne said. "But I figured he must have had, you know, OTHER charms."

"Oh he did."

* * *

Yusuf looked up from his chemicals. "Isn't Colin coming by with takeout today? I was really hoping for more of those spring rolls from Wok N' Rolla."

"He kissed me when we were in line to pick up our food and the owner kicked us out for not stepping up to the register when our order was ready. I'm not allowed back in the restaurant for a month. And Colin's not allowed back in my apartment. EVER."

* * *

Eames, Ariadne, and Arthur were all sitting at the hotel bar at the end of a long day when Ariadne turned to Arthur. "You didn't get a single text today. Or all week. What happened to Brad?"

"You know how you can see when someone's typing in iMessages? He always started typing as soon as I sent the first half of a message. And half the time he'd finish it for me before I could even get the rest of the sentence properly capitalized and punctuated."

"Ooh. So he was a sentence finisher."

"AND an all-lower-case texter. He had to go."

* * *

"He had man hands."

Cobb squinted closely at Arthur. "But Carson IS a..."

"Doesn't matter."

* * *

So when the inevitable finally happened and Eames found himself following Arthur back to his hotel room on the Cooper job, he was resigned to enjoying his time with Arthur while it lasted. The number of things Arthur had found to criticize about him over the years meant that surely he'd be shown the door posthaste once Arthur got bored. 

Five months into their relationship ("Five months! This was surely some kind of Arthurian dating record," Eames thought giddily), Cobb let himself in the kitchen door with his spare key just as Eames was opening a stubborn pickle jar for Arthur. While completely naked. There may have been flexing involved. 

"Oi! I thought that key was for emergencies only, mate!"

"Jesus, Eames!" Cobb averted his eyes. "There's good naked and there's bad naked and that is definitely..."

"Perfect," said Arthur. "It's Eames and so it's perfect. Now get out of my kitchen, Cobb, before I have to end our friendship over improper key use."

"I have my standards, after all."

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. I had the seed of this idea in my head for a while and finally managed to get it out and onto paper.


End file.
